It’s Not all your fault.
“sometimes, the battlefield is not within the mind, but in the world pressing down upon it.
"Everything Happens for a Reason", They Say...
Ah, yes. But let’s be real: our pretty society is full of people espousing life "truths" without acknowledging the privileges that allow them to hold these beliefs. It's easy to sing the overused "everything happens for a reason" mantra when your biggest concern is whether your avocado toast will get soggy.
Consider the stark difference between your situation and that of a girl in Africa who endures the trauma of rape and the chronic pangs of hunger. Does that seem too extreme? Let's bring it closer to home - imagine that girl as your own daughter. Feeling discomfort? That's the stark reality challenging the bubble of privilege.
“You get the seeds you seed…”
Ever heard about the social psychological phenomena called the Just-World Hypothesis? (1) This belief that people get what they deserve and deserve what they get. This can lead to blaming victims for their misfortune. It serves to maintain a false sense of control and justice in the world but perpetuates societal injustice, such as victim-blaming in assault cases. The Delusion of Deservedness. When life is going well, it's tempting to attribute this to your exceptional personality and hard work. It's much more comfortable to think that your privileged circumstances are the result of your effort and "manifestation" than to acknowledge the role of luck and systemic advantages.
Delusions
Deserved or not –
Now it’s time to heal.
How do people say “it’s what you make out of a situation”. It does sound very empowering “ - now everything is in my hands” - or even better “their healing is in their hands”. But what if it is Not about what you make out of a situation – and instead: what a situation is making out of you!
We adore tales of heroes, where unwavering strength of character triumphs over darkness, backed by an indomitable mindset and burning belief. These narratives inspire us, molding our ideals. But what if we sidestep this hero-centric psychology and delve into the realm of fact-checked social psychological studies? The harsh reality is that the power of overwhelming situations often breaks the hero before the climax we idolize. This inconvenient truth is largely ignored due to the Fundamental Attribution Error: our tendency to attribute others' failures to their innate flaws, while conveniently overlooking the situational forces that shape their actions. This bias unveils the uncomfortable reality: we are quick to judge without truly understanding the external storms others battle.
(Recommended Read: Why you are uglier than you think - Unskilled and Unaware)
While many mindset gurus blathering about traumatised people being responsible for their own healing and proclaiming that everything is a choice?
The result from social psychological studies says: “Hand me the most unshakable mindset, and let's throw it into the crucible of life - watch as it shatters into fragments.”
Fostering a positive mindset and embracing personal responsibility can indeed be transformative for an individual. However, it's crucial to acknowledge that society often falls short in understanding that many people find themselves in circumstances that hinder their ability to adopt any kind of positive outlook. These situations can be paralysing, Studies have consistently shown that situational factors can wield more influence over behavior than individual personality traits. So why do we cling to the myth that mindset alone is the panacea, ignoring the Himalayan barriers erected by life's circumstances? Maybe it’s time to recognise that sometimes, the battlefield is not within the mind, but in the world pressing down upon it. (2)
Delusions
Situations can certainly be impactful, but let's face it – not for you. You were stronger, right?
You've put in the work on yourself, mastered the obstacles life threw at you.
You did what others weren't willing to do. You've manifested all your strengths. Mh.. Well lucky you that found itself to be in a situation giving environmental circumstances that allow you to do all that. Or have you just got a particularly strong confirmation bias? The tendency to search for, interpret, and remember information that confirms one's preconceptions. Which often leads to the perpetuation of misinformation and deepens societal divides. Most people ignore evidence that contradicts their beliefs. But you? No, not you! You're part of the fascinating majority who believes they’re better than average, which is mathematically impossible, of course. Statistically, not everyone can be above the median, yet here we are, a society full of individuals convinced they’re exceptional. Self-perception often deviates from reality, but hey – at least you've got a rock-solid belief in your own greatness.
delusions
Cognitive Dissonance: We've Mastered the Art
Cognitive Dissonance. Festinger (1957) coined this term for the mental gymnastics we perform to align our internal views with the pesky, uncomfortable dissonances we encounter. This phenomenon shows how people often delude themselves. (Dissonance: it's the mental discomfort that arises when your beliefs and behaviors are not on speaking terms. - dissonance / what leads them to change their beliefs to reduce this discomfort.
Ego vs. Universe: The Ultimate Showdown of Confirmation Bias
Confirmation bias is the sneaky detective in our minds, tirelessly searching for evidence to support the beliefs we already hold dear, even if it means conveniently ignoring facts that might rain on our parade. I am Not quite sure what exactly the difference between manifestation and cognitive dissonance? Maybe, this: While manifestation might lead you to dream big, confirmation bias ensures you never have to wake up to the pesky interruptions of reality. Both are powerful, yet one is a hopeful calling to the universe, and the other, a selective hearing aid for our preconceptions. In the curious dance between manifestation and confirmation bias, it’s almost as if one can't summon their dreams without giving a nod to their own confirmation bias. While manifestation is like sending a cosmic wish list, confirmation bias is the self-assured voice that insists the universe is already nodding in agreement, often propped up by our ego. As Robert Greene points out, everyone has an ego, (3) and while manifestation might seem like a denial of egotism - like handing over your wishlist to a higher power - it’s often just a clever way of dressing up our ego's demands. So, are we denying or embracing our ego? Perhaps a bit of both, as we tiptoe the line between hopeful dreaming and ego-fueled certainty. While writing this something is resisting because as everyone "I love manifestation" - or do I just love the idea of having the power to turn cosmic stars into my favour. As a big believer of intuition I might just let my confirmation bias rule and ignore any fact about confirmation bias.
Sources and Study Examples
(2) Situation beats character. (So next time you feel like the captain of your fate, remember that sometimes, it’s the iceberg that decides whether you sink or swim. In the grand theater of life, it's the stage that often commands the actors, not the other way around. Enter the Stanford Prison Experiment, where ordinary folks transformed into tyrants or victims simply by donning a uniform. Or take Milgram's Obedience Study, where people flipped the switch on their moral compass, shocking strangers because someone in a lab coat told them to. And let's not forget Asch's Conformity Experiments, where the obvious became obscure because the crowd said so. These studies paint a vivid picture: it’s not just character steering the ship, but the tumultuous seas of circumstance. )
Stanford Prison Experiment (Zimbardo, 1971):
- Study: Participants were randomly assigned the roles of guards or prisoners in a simulated prison environment.
- Outcome: Those assigned the role of guards began to exhibit abusive behaviors, while those assigned the role of prisoners became submissive and distressed. This was not because of their intrinsic personalities but due to the situational pressures and defined roles within the study.
- Conclusion: The study demonstrated how a given social environment and assigned role can heavily influence individual behavior beyond personal traits.
Milgram’s Obedience Study (Milgram, 1963):
- Study: Participants obeyed instructions to administer increasingly severe electric shocks to another person, despite the apparent suffering of the recipient.
- Outcome: A high proportion of participants followed orders to the extent of administering presumably dangerous shocks, simply because an authority figure instructed them to do so.
- Conclusion: It highlighted how situational influences, such as authority pressure, could override personal moral principles.
Asch Conformity Experiments (Asch, 1951):
- Study: Participants were asked to match line lengths in a group setting where confederates purposely gave incorrect answers.
- Outcome: Many participants conformed to the incorrect group consensus, even when the correct answer was obvious.
- Conclusion: This showed how group dynamics and the desire to fit in can influence individual judgments and behaviors.)